Welcome to this edition of Mentoring Moments. Over the years the mentoring discussions with my mentees have revealed such brilliant insights and methods which continue to hone our coaching skills to deliver a higher quality of coaching excellence for our clients. Mentoring emerging or experienced coaches towards their credential or for ongoing development is my absolute favourite component of my coaching practice. So, I’d love to share with you some of those little gems of gold in upcoming editions. 

Presence: More Than Being Present

In my coaching and mentoring work over the years, I’ve noticed that Presence is one of those competencies that can sound deceptively simple: be fully present with your client.

But what does that actually mean when your mind wanders, you have an idea you want to share, the client becomes emotional, or you suddenly think you know where the conversation should go?

Presence isn't about never becoming distracted or never having a thought of your own. It is about noticing what is happening and choosing what you do next.

The ICF Core Competency 5, Maintains Presence, includes responding to the client as a whole person, remaining curious about what the client wants to accomplish, demonstrating curiosity and partnering with the client about what happens in the session.

For me, this means Presence is much more than listening carefully to the words.

Notice what is underneath the words

One of the practices I encourage coaches to develop is noticing the client's non-verbal communication.

A sigh. A change in tone. A pause. A shift in posture. A word that suddenly has more emphasis than the others.

Rather than assuming what these signals mean, bring your observation back to the client:

“I noticed a change in your tone just then. What are you noticing?”

Or:

“I noticed you sighed as you said that. What’s happening for you?”

The important distinction is that you are observing rather than interpreting.

You are not saying, “You seem anxious.” You are saying, “I noticed your shoulders dropped. What are you noticing?”

That small difference leaves the meaning with the client. When your own thoughts get in the way.

Distraction is inevitable. The skill is what you do with it.

A useful practice is to mentally park the thought rather than fight it. Notice it, acknowledge it and return your attention to the client. You can also keep a small margin on your notes where you can write one word to capture an idea you want to revisit later.

Another option is to develop a very short grounding routine between sessions: one deliberate breath, looking away from the screen for a moment, noticing something in your environment, or simply feeling your feet on the floor.

The goal isn't to create a lengthy mindfulness ritual. It is to develop your ability to return.

Resist the urge to fix

For many experienced coaches, one of the harder challenges can be having something useful to offer and choosing not to offer it immediately.

You might have a resource, question, model or solution that seems perfect. Pause...  Ask yourself:

“Whose idea is this?”

Then consider asking the client:

“What would be most useful for you right now?”

If you genuinely believe an observation or resource could be valuable, ask permission — and then actually pause to notice the response.

A “yes” doesn't necessarily mean the client wants the conversation to change direction. Look at the client. Listen to their response. Notice whether there is any hesitation or disconnect between their words and what you are observing.

Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is leave space for the client's own thinking.

Practise the pause

Silence is one of the simplest and most challenging ways to strengthen Presence.  Try this exercise in your next three sessions:

When the client finishes speaking, count silently to three before responding...  Notice what happens.

Do you feel an urge to fill the gap? Do you become uncomfortable? Does the client continue speaking? Does something deeper emerge?

You don't need to manufacture silence. Simply become more willing to allow it.

Then experiment with another Presence practice. Periodically ask:

“What’s emerging for you?”

This invites the client to step back from the immediate conversation and notice what they are discovering.

Let the client choose

Presence also means being willing to change direction.

If the conversation moves somewhere unexpected, don't automatically pull it back to the original agreement. Instead, check in:

“We seem to have moved somewhere different. Where would you like to go from here?”

Or:

“What would be most useful to focus on now?”

This is where Presence and partnership come together.

The client isn't simply responding to your questions; they are actively choosing what happens in the coaching.

You can also bring this choice into the session more often. Rather than deciding where the conversation should go next, give the client an opportunity to choose based on what has emerged.

Your Presence practice this month

Rather than trying to improve everything at once, choose one Presence muscle to practise:

• Notice distractions
• Use the pause
• Observe non-verbal cues
• Ask rather than assume
• Let the client choose the direction

And at the end of each session, ask yourself:

“Was I responding to the client in front of me, or to the conversation I thought we should be having?”

That question alone can tell you a lot about your coaching Presence.

Presence isn't something we perfect. It is something we practise — session by session, client by client, choice by choice.

I warmly invite you to share what you’re noticing, or any questions that emerge for you as you reflect on this month’s Mentoring Moments. Your reflections and curiosities are always welcome and continue to shape these conversations.

Sharing these mentoring moments with you,

Gaye