Welcome to this edition of Mentoring Moments. Over the years the mentoring discussions with my mentees have revealed such brilliant insights and methods which continue to hone our coaching skills to deliver a higher quality of coaching excellence for our clients. Mentoring emerging or experienced coaches towards their credential or for ongoing development is my absolute favourite component of my coaching practice. So, I’d love to share with you some of those little gems of gold in upcoming editions. 

Holding Space with Care:
The Role of Empathy and Compassion in Coaching

High-achieving clients often bring strong self-critique, high standards and a reluctance to show vulnerability. Your stance in moments of emotional intensity matters. Understanding the distinctions between compassion, empathy and sympathy helps you honour the client’s experience, stay within the coaching role and meet the PCC standard.

Why These Distinctions Matter

In coaching, your aim is to create a safe partnership while enabling the client’s thinking, not to take over their experience or minimise it. The PCC Markers make this clear: you show support and empathy, acknowledge the client’s feelings and remain open to their response, while maintaining presence and curiosity. This balance is embedded across the competency set, including 4.2–4.4 and 5.4–5.5.

Working Definitions for Coaches

Sympathy is feeling for someone—often from a slight distance—and can slip into reassurance or pity. In coaching it risks centring your perspective or rescuing.
Empathy is understanding and feeling with the client—accurately recognising emotions and meaning. It builds trust, reduces defensiveness and supports deeper exploration.
Compassion is a grounded, caring intention to support the client’s wellbeing without taking over. It adds steadiness and respect for agency: “I’m with you, and I believe you can navigate this.”

What the PCC Markers Ask of You

Empathy and compassion are reflected through observable behaviours rather than labels. For example, you:

• 4.2–4.3: Acknowledge the client’s emotions and experience
• 4.4: Invite the client’s response to your contribution
• 5.4–5.5: Demonstrate curiosity about the person and allow space
• 6.2–6.4: Explore emotions, language and shifts in energy
• 7.1–7.6: Ask questions that expand awareness, and share observations without attachment
• 8.5–8.6: Partner on forward movement, including resources and barriers

Where Sympathy Can Derail Coaching

Sympathy sounds like quick reassurance, normalising or “I know how hard this must be” followed by solutions. While well-intended, it can reduce client ownership and insight. It also risks missing the client’s meaning. PCC markers expect you to stay curious about what the client is saying and not saying, invite their interpretation, and let them do most of the talking (6.1, 7.8).

Empathy in Action

Empathy shows up as precise listening and partnership. You reflect what you notice in the client’s words, emotions and energy shifts, then invite them to deepen it:

• “You used the word overwhelmed three times. What’s the feeling behind that right now?” (6.2–6.4)
• “What’s most important to understand about this for you?” (7.1–7.3)
• Pause for thinking (5.5)
• Share an observation—see if it fits (offered lightly, 7.5)

Compassion: Care Without Rescuing

Compassion brings steadiness and dignity. You signal care and belief in the client’s resourcefulness while protecting their agency and the coaching frame. This is visible when you acknowledge their work and insight (4.1), stay responsive to the whole person (5.1), and partner on next steps rather than prescribing them (8.5–8.7).

A Brief Client Example

In a recent session, a client described intense pressure leading into a board presentation. I acknowledged the weight of the week and mirrored their language concisely (4.2–4.3; 6.7), then invited focus (3.1): 

“What do you most want from our time today?” 

As they spoke, I asked about the emotion under the pressure, and noticed their energy settle when they mentioned “prepared, not perfect” (6.3–6.4; 5.5). 

I offered a light observation:  

“When you say ‘prepared, not perfect’, your breathing changes. What’s shifting?” 

This allowed them to identify a more helpful standard (7.5). We then co-designed two five-minute reset practices and a short prep routine, considering likely barriers and support (8.5–8.6).

Practicalities

• Replace reassurance with curiosity. Swap “You’ll be fine” for “What would ‘good enough’ look like here?” (7.1–7.4).
• Name and invite. Briefly name an observed emotion or shift, then invite the client to confirm or refine it (6.3–6.4; 4.4).
• Hold space for thinking. Practise two full beats of silence after key questions (5.5).
• Co-design agency. Ask, “What support or resource would make this easier to practise this week?” (8.6).

Boundaries and Care for You

If strong emotion persists or the client’s needs move beyond coaching scope, align with the Code of Ethics and discuss appropriate resources while maintaining the coaching partnership. Stay reflective about your own triggers and biases, and prepare for sessions to remain client-centred and present (Competency 2 framing in the PCC guidance).

Your Next Step:

This month, review two recent sessions. Where did you show compassion without rescuing? Where did empathy deepen awareness? Where might sympathy have crept in? Choose one micro-practice (e.g. silence after questions; naming an energy shift; co-designing support) and apply it in your next three sessions.

Sharing these mentoring moments with you,

Gaye